Modern day Jezebels go for moolah

November 18, 2011 | Filed underPopular News | Posted by editor
Can the real Jezebels please stand up and teach the wannabes how it’s done! Frankly, I think it’s time we get one thing straight, dating a tenderpreneur, entrepreneur, some legal advisor, or any other budget-wise guy doesn’t make you a Jezebel.
But before we get our wires crossed (phela, I’ve heard how my Bloemista chicks would always claim how Jezebel-savvy they are, when we all know they’re not), let me first break down the definition of the new generation Jezebel.
She has a particular type of man … he must be loaded. No negotiation. As a man your money must talk for you and just because you scored R300 000 profit on some tender, doesn’t score you points. Here we’re talking the likes of bo Tsholo, Pakiso, Max, etc. In a nutshell, if you’re not a qualified black diamond, take a back seat.
The real Jezebel’s checklist:
Weave: Preferably 100% human hair from Malaysia, India, or Brazil. If you’re still rocking your budget-friendly jumbo weave, sit down and shut up! You’re not a Jezebel. Cheap bonding smells of plastic – and it’s not sexy!
Credit cards for those spontaneous shopping sprees: Sit down and shut up if your man is still sending you R5 000; a true Jezebel is not crass enough to carry cash.
The townhouse in the suburbs: If you think staying in cramped student accommodation is upmarket – think twice, sister. You still have a long way to go.
A car and a petrol card: You’re not a Jezebel if you stand in long taxi queues. Don’t you know that it’s “high heel suicide”?
Designer gear: Everything has to have a label – from LV caps, Fendi belts, and Gucci watches, to Dior sunglasses. Being able to afford to buy a few items from YDE doesn’t make you a Jezebel. And walking around with fake bling, huge shades, cheap lip gloss, painful cheap heels, and fake luxury brand bags isn’t going to cut it this time. Sit down!
Manicure and pedicure: They have to be French upper-class; more mature mistress types opt for loud and long. If you’re “Little Miss Natural”, shut up and sit down!
A passport with loads of international stamps: Think Dubai, London, Tokyo, Paris. Lesotho, Botswana, Namibia, or even Mozambique just isn’t going to cut it this time.
Expensive bubbly: Sipping on a glass of Moët is one of her favourite pastimes. If you think house brand specials are going to make the grade, hurry back to the ghetto.
There girls – you got it straight from the horse’s mouth. It’s hunting season; let the skaapsker get going.
With that said, let’s bath twice a day and shave those yucky armpits; leave eyebrow tweezing to the pro’s; go easy on the foundation; shave that hair off or get a Brazilian weave sponsor; give chips and burgers a break and hit the gym. Men love to invest in a “clean deal”.
So, if you’re living up the Jezebel list – where to find the right sponsor?
For the 88th time (this is especially for students), here is why Man P isn’t a catch … he’s sinking in debt – don’t let the new car fool you. Phela, for all we know the repo man might repossess it; don’t forget this is the guy who always “forgets” his wallet at home whenever he has to pay.
Don’t say we didn’t warn you!
As for Dennis, *gosh* there is just no simple of putting it … the guy is history, okay!
Moving onto Dillo: well, I’m sure you don’t need me to break it down for you. Kana, this is the man who is still driving his “old car” – like really now! Can somebody please spell UPGRADE!
Themba2: the guy is apparently still sorting out his divorce! Like really now, who needs the added stress? Too much admin, if you ask me.
Nofemele aka Ranthumeng: girls, don’t let his fancy suits fool you!
All Bloem deejays *hides* and other Cubaña regulars aren’t loaded, okay!
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